Emotions tend to run high when I think on these facts:
I'm living in a state whose weather that I could compare to the weather in Hell.
I'm not working at a place that feeds my passion (Really? You want your latte with less foam? There are starving kids in Africa, there are people without moms. Still want to bitch about your foam?)
I'm not learning about my passion.
Despite all reassurances I remain terrified whenever it rains here.
I'm allergic to it's bugs.
Texas makes me feel alone.
I kept telling Ben: "Between the bugs and the tornadoes, Texas really wants me gone."
It just doesn't feel like home. I didn't particularly love college or all the experiences it had to offer, but God do I miss the familiarity. The people. Feeling safe.
Vacationing in Capo Beach was relaxing, but so difficult to leave. Every time I come home, Mom and I end up sobbing as I leave and I remain in a pissed off funk for the next few days. In CA I feel protected just by the knowledge that there are so many people who could help me within one hour of me. I know being a martyr isn't as attractive as being the stoic wife, but I've never known myself to be very cryptic with my feelings.
I really want to be one of those optimistic people everyone loves to be around, but right now I just don't have the energy. I feel drained and bored and frustrated.
On repeat: "Can't Go Back Now": The Weepies
Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?
You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?
You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get
I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere elseBut in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself
