Tickle A Texan Tuesday

Kirsten Wig is my new favorite. <--Click this to watch.

Watch this video and laugh your whatever off.

Married life and beyond

It's been a while, but the biggest news of course is that Ben and I got married!! We went to the county clerk on September 10 and had a civil ceremony, and then were wed on September 12 at Edward's Mansion. After all the initial stress of last minute details, the wedding went beautifully. I really felt like the style and atmosphere was genuinely me and Ben, that our personalities showed through everything. It was an amazing experience that I am still processing. The only thing I regret is not having my Texas friends out there to celebrate with me.

Sophia, our BEAUTIFUL flower girl and I dancing.

Austyn and Ben, undoubtedly having a moment.

We honeymooned in Portland, which was more beautiful than I had remembered. I was so excited to be in a city with hippies, bookstores, and coffee.

In other news, I'm starting to apply to the University of Texas at Arlington for my MSSW! It's looking more likely that we will still be in Dallas after Ben graduates in December, but if not I'll just apply to whatever school is closest after we move. I'm so excited! I'm calling later in the week to talk with an advisor about which concentration I should go for if I want to work in the hospitals. Not sure if Direct Practice or Community/Administrative concentration would serve me better.

And because I know everyone will ask, I'll just say now that Ben and I don't plan to be having any babies anytime soon. We're planning to wait until we're back in California to start a family, so we can be with our families. However, God doesn't always follow our plans so I guess we will just have to see ;)

Beginnings and Endings

I'm not sure if it's the time of the month or my pending nuptials, but I've become increasingly emotional lately.

Emotions tend to run high when I think on these facts:

I'm living in a state whose weather that I could compare to the weather in Hell.

I'm not working at a place that feeds my passion (Really? You want your latte with less foam? There are starving kids in Africa, there are people without moms. Still want to bitch about your foam?)

I'm not learning about my passion.

Despite all reassurances I remain terrified whenever it rains here.

I'm allergic to it's bugs.

Texas makes me feel alone.

I kept telling Ben: "Between the bugs and the tornadoes, Texas really wants me gone."

It just doesn't feel like home. I didn't particularly love college or all the experiences it had to offer, but God do I miss the familiarity. The people. Feeling safe.

Vacationing in Capo Beach was relaxing, but so difficult to leave. Every time I come home, Mom and I end up sobbing as I leave and I remain in a pissed off funk for the next few days. In CA I feel protected just by the knowledge that there are so many people who could help me within one hour of me. I know being a martyr isn't as attractive as being the stoic wife, but I've never known myself to be very cryptic with my feelings.

I really want to be one of those optimistic people everyone loves to be around, but right now I just don't have the energy. I feel drained and bored and frustrated.

On repeat: "Can't Go Back Now": The Weepies

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get

I can't really say

Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

Despite all the time I have on my hands, I consistently forget to update. Talking to Paula the other day, kindly reminded me to do so.

I've just about finished painting, and decided to only do two walls in the bedroom and one in the living room--I was starting to run low on paint and energy. The molding on the living room wall needed to dry and have a second coat, hence it's unfinished look. I'll get to it, eventually. I think it turned out pretty well, and after hanging up Ben's paintings from an art class, it's starting to look like a real home!

Living room, in Sea Foam and Lucy Sky.

The bedroom, before

After! I think it looks so much better.

I've also been quite the cook lately. Trying, at least. One night last week, I made a meal for us--Turkey Burgers, a recipe from Family Circle. It included grated zuccini, which I loved, but Ben definitely didn't. But he was so sweet to try it, and loved it beyond the zuccini. So we'll just make half and half next time. 

My other creation was a strawberry pie. I got this recipe online, and it was a gelatin sauce base, which I don't think I'll do again. It didn't turn out too badly, but I was expecting a creamy, sugary sauce like Marie Callender's. 

I couldn't make it fully presentable because Ben was the main object of my affection for this pie, and he hates whipped cream. It was pretty delicious. 

In other news, Ben and I registered on Sunday! We went to our new-ish church (Ben's gone there since moving here, I've gone there on and off when visiting Ben), Woodcreek Church. We go to the 20's group--we love the community aspect of this group. We went to lunch with them all after service, which was the most entertaining thing I've done this week. The people there are so friendly and willing to help us to prepare for this new way of life we're about to undertake (marriage). After all this, we went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and registered. 

This is a picture of our fine china set-up! Apparently it's becoming more and more common for people our age to register for china that can more or less become casual china, and we really loved this pattern and flatware. We're really excited. You can see the rest of it at bedbathandbeyond.com and enter either of our names to search for our registry. It was so nice to pick things out for the apt and realize I won't be living in an empty living space for long. 

We also went to the UFC fight at Buffalo Wild Wings on Saturday with Ben's roommate Mike which was fun. Brought a little bit of home to me. Last night we went over to Jake's who set me up on his Slingbox so now I have TV on my computer!! I've been watching Law and Order all day long--it's been heavenly.

I love and miss you all!

God Sustains.

In the four days since I've been here (five, six? How long HAVE I been here?) I've taken to a new Diet Dr. Pepper addiction (mostly because regular Diet Coke is non-existent) and to only saying ya'll when picking up job applications. I find that I don't look as much like an outsider when I do that.

Ben's been working a lot since we've arrived, although he does have tomorrow off. We're going to try and register at one of our places, though we aren't sure which one yet. I really feel like a Californian  here. I never really thought of myself as a Californian, but I definitely stick out. I drive extra slow on the freeway to keep ambitious Rangers from pulling me over. And although I grew up in 110 degree heat, I have been thoroughly educated in the ways of humidity over these past few days. Sweet Jesus, what point could it have. I can deal with Palm Springs heat, but sweet lord, Texas heat is totally different. I feel like I'm wandering through a moist hell, wondering why I bothered to do my hair. I'll probably end up wearing it curly through the summer then see where winter leaves me. 

A grant job might be in the works, and in the meantime I've applied to Half-Price Books (my personal heaven), Starbucks (job fair on Monday), and I tried to apply to Barnes and Noble. It might not happen seeing as how the woman there could barely hold all of the applications they've received in both arms, while looking for a blank one, which she did not find by the way.

With all of my bitching, there is one thing I do know for sure: I am a resilient person. Even in my most depressed moments out here, I know that I'm strong enough for this, and even though it doesn't feel anything like home right now, it will soon. 

Paula and I at Convocation. RIP Von Zipper Sunglasses =(

Saying bye to the Phister

The colors I'm attempting to paint the living room. You can see what color it is if you look at the top of the wall and see where I couldn't reach. Compare it to the lonely beige at the top. My "Sea Foam" is a much better color, even though we don't live within 8 hours of a sea.

Presenting....

OUR FLOWER GIRL!!!





Miss Sophia Lerma

We aren't sure what dress she'll wear yet, but look at her! Does it matter?? I'm seriously thinking about just letting her wear her red Chuck's under her dress.

DONE!!!

I finished my undergrad work today. I took myself out to Jamba Juice since all my friends were working on papers or just plain working.

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be.

I feel like I haven't blogged in so long. The last time I really did was during Ben's visit in March. I'll attempt to re-cap:

March:

Ben had eye surgery--it was amazing. He did so well, although the pain on the way home was a hassle. However, two xanax later (or as Ben kept calling them, Xantac) he was out. If he hadn't been in so much pain I would have given him a much harder time about asking for heartburn meds instead of an anti-anxiety med.

He has my heart. It was amazing to know that after we get married he'll be able to turn over and see me right away, instead of fumbling for his glasses. I know what a hassle that was for him.

During his visit we also discovered a mutual love for rock climbing. He's much better at it, while I look pretty similar to a wide-hipped female spiderman. I wore red shorts both times we went--and figured out there's a reason women wear tight fitting, capri length pants. They're much more flattering when you're 20 feet in the air. We went back a few times to Threshold in Riverside (I highly recommend it--cheap and very informative and safe) and took my brother and sister (Austyn and Madyson). They were pros. This wall they're on below here is what people call "Bouldering" where you climb shorter walls without ropes. They scare the crap out of me. But they scaled them no problem.

April:

One of the things I'm most sad about in terms of leaving is that I've met such amazing people at such a late date. I'm going to really miss this family:

Sophia and her Mommy (Elissa)

Sophia and her Daddy (Joey).

This family has been such a blessing to me. They are great parents and have an amazing kid. During my spring break I got together with them twice at Gourmet Pizza. Phi talked my arm off--which I love. I love how honest kids are and how pure. She was telling me about how all the ladybugs have started to come out, but there's this one kid at school that steps on them. It makes her sad. To have a kid like that point out to you (and remind you) how beautiful something so simple like ladybugs are. I've been stopping to stare at them since break. I hope Ben and I will be parents like this--super cool, and still loving the things we loved pre-kids.

GT, California to Plano, Tx

I'm so stressed out by moving right now. I think the underlying factor is that I just don't want to leave, so anything beyond throwing DVDs in a box and I'm flipping out. Actually gave myself a migraine today. Can cry at the drop of a hat. I hate this damn birth control pill. If this attitude doesn't disappear soon, I'll be dropping the BC. I can't deal with feeling like this all the time with days of respite that are few and far between.

I know one person in the whole state of Texas. And right now, I have a bad attitude about him.

Today was a roller-coaster of emotions. First Ben and I went to coffee with Elissa and The Phi. It was so great to get to finally meet them!

 

Phi was really cute ("What's an illustrator?") and really talkative which Elissa said was unusual--it usually takes her a while to warm up to strangers. I completely offered myself for babysitting, since APU gives me so few hours and because this family is obviously doing something great with this kid--I think I'd have more fun babysitting her than she would being babysat lol. Also, right after we pulled away from the coffee house I realized we didn't get a pic of me, Elissa and Phi. I was disappointed but hopefully this won't be the last time we see each other =)

Then we went cake tasting. Beyond being completely overwhelming, I can't have chocolate on the outside because of temperature? I don't really know but it wasn't doable. So I don't know. I just don't feel like I'm the right type of girl for weddings. The marriage is the most important thing to me, and spending so much money on a day that is one day out of my whole life just seems frivolous. I've never cared about appearances or anything like that so it's hard for me to give a crap about various details. Hope it turns out ok and I hope I'm not sick of it before it gets here.

Ben's Spring Break

Ben comes home in 5 days! He flies in late Thursday night and will be here until 3/24. I'm so excited to have him home with me for a few days. It's weird to me to think he's never met anyone from the hospital I've been working with for 6 months, and hasn't seen my apartment for more than  few minutes. 

I look forward to walking around the school as a couple, something I very rarely get to do. My anxiety goes down to a 1/10 when he comes around. 

189 more days until our wedding!

I know you all want to hear Ben's voice on this one too...

*What are your middle names?

Ann and Scott-I concur

*How long have you been together?

4 years, since my Senior year in high school. By the time we get married it will be almost 5!

*How long did you know each other before you started dating?

We have known of each other since Middle School but we started working together about 2 years before we started dating.

*Who asked who out?

Ben definitely asked me out. He was so shy when he did it (Chipotle before play practice)!-I like to think of it as being "cautious." And I wasn't sure if she liked to eat food.

*Whose siblings do you see the most?

Even though we live in different states, we definitely see mine more, since Ben's brother lives in Boston.

*Do you have any children?

Nope! But we can't wait to start a family when we move back to Cali! Not that either of us know of.

*What about pets?

Neither of us are big animal people...

*Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?

Right now it's definitely the distance. Even though we've done this for three years, it doesn't really get any easier! At least not until recently. We're in the homestretch now!

*Did you go to school together?

Middle and High School

*Are you from the same hometown?

Kind of, same area

*Who is the smartest?

We're both pretty smart, but I'd have to say him. He's more booksmart than I could ever hope to be! My kids will be born smarter than me, I'm sure. Clearly, she's emotionally smarter. Booksmarts are overrated. Our kids are going to be a world of compassionate, and it's all coming from her.

*Who's the most sensitive?

I'd have to say me, my feelings get hurt easily and I take things personally.

*Where do you eat out most as a couple?

When we're together I'd have to say Freebirds (employee discount!!)

*Who has the craziest ex?

Huh. I think we both know we tie in this area. Don't let her lie to you. She does.

*Who has the worse temper?

I don't really think either of us has a temper, but if we're talking about which one gets the most frustrated first, it'd be me. She does.

*Who does the cooking?

Ben will, since it's a passion of his. He LOVES to grill. Unless we're eating enchiladas. <3

*Who is more social?

We both have the same personality this way--we both can carry on a conversation at a party with people we don't know, but we'd rather not. We're content with each other and other anti-social people =)

*Who is the neat freak?

LOL Ben, absolutely, but only with a few particulars. Like shoes on my bed.

*Who is more stubborn?

No question, Me. Definitely me.

*Where was your first date?

Chipotle, in Redlands.

*Who has the bigger family?

Me, by 4. A biased question. I have the quieter family. Isn't that work anything?

*Do you get flowers often?

Yes! Ben is really great about this. Never ='(

*How do you spend the holidays?

Right now we do all three families in one day. Not sure how this year will work. Wrapping presents in our amazing new wrapping paper and decorating our apartment in our new discount decorations. We win.

*Who is more jealous?

? I don't really think this has been a problem. Me. For sure.

*How long did it take to get serious?

Maybe a year? I think after a year we both knew we were in it for good. About a week. When you find one this good you gotta lock it up.

*Who eats more?

Ben By about a monster and a half.

*Who's better with the computer?

We work well together: I'm better with Macs and he's better with PCs. I'm better with computers, she's better with Facebook.

*Who drives when you are together?

Ben, most of the time. Driving can make me nervous. Me, with lots of coaching from her.

Flowers!!!!

Today, Pauline, Ashley and I went to the LA Flower District to look at flowers for my wedding. I've been wanting to see if it would be cheaper to do them myself (with the help of my bridesmaids) or if the convenience of having someone else do them was worth it.  After not being able to find very many of the actual flowers I wanted, I decided I liked these dusty deep red roses. Ashley found this amazing greenery that I had seen on TheKnot.com a lot recently and I've also always really liked these coffee bean looking type berries.

I wanted to make my bridal bouquet, a bridesmaid bouquet and a boutonnière if possible. I'll reveal how much it was later ;)

All of the materials laid out!

I stripped the roses while Pauline wired them. She was SO helpful when it came to putting these together--she used to work for a florist and so she knew all of these tricks--like wireing the roses so the heads on the roses didn't droop.

Pauline starting on my bouquet.

Almost done!

These are what the groomsmen's boutineers will look like. It looks like there's a rose attached, but there isn't. It was just lying on the table. I thought the berries looked really elegant with the green. Very simple and not too girly for the guys =)

Ben's boutinnere. His will be the only one with a rose, and the rose in it will be cut from my bouquet. Very special.

Ashley with her bouquet! After we took this, we actually cut down the stems so it's much shorter now.

Me with my finished bouquet! We will definitley be wrapping all the bouquets with orange and red ribbion, and putting pear stick pins up the sides of both. I haven't decided whether or not I want to keep the bows or not.

Very successful outing! Any guesses as to how much for all? You'll never guess. $17!! 24 roses were $10 and the greenery and berries were $7. I guess we know what we're doing. FTW.

How happy is the blameless vessels's lot; the world forgiving by the world forgot.

I posted this on 12/7/08 and re-read it today. It's unbelievable to read it and see where I was only a few short months ago compared to how I feel today:

Sometimes I marvel at the amount of hurt in the world. It's amazing to me that we're so readily capable of it, and it makes sense to me that the earth not be a contained physical element--we'd clog it up with all of our emotional crap.

It seems everyday I am hearing something else that makes me think, "That's the worst thing I've ever heard," only to be outdone not 24 hours later. I read about how prevalent cancer is, I see how quickly people sever loyalties, I hear things I should never have heard.

"The dark night of the soul" is not uncommon, or so I read. I'm slowly coming out of it, like a child from a closet who has been hiding from a parent-not too sure I want to come out, not sure I want to see Him again. Which is ironic since I have felt like God has been hiding from ME. I believe that this sorrow I feel in general and personally can be conqured by small steps-bringing cookies to people who need to smile more often, turning the car arond to give that kid who's having trouble walking in 24 degree weather a ride to class. They are small things, but they are something.

People seem so messy, so violent, so unpredictable, so harsh. It almost made me cry to see it snow today. There are not many things that make me gape and wonder, but this did. I was in awe to see something fall so softly, so quiet, so beautiful. It's a gift Texas gave me, a good omen.

Everything you ever wanted to know about us

I definitely stole this from Punk Rock Mom and Amy =)

*What are your middle names?

Ann and Scott

*How long have you been together?

4 years, since my Senior year in high school. By the time we get married it will be almost 5!

*How long did you know each other before you started dating?

We have known of each other since Middle School but we  started working together about 2 years before we started dating.

*Who asked who out?

Ben definitely asked me out. He was so shy when he did it (Chipotle before play practice)!

*Whose siblings do you see the most?

Even though we live in different states, we definitely see mine more, since Ben's brother lives in Boston.

*Do you have any children?

Nope! But we can't wait to start a family when we move back to Cali!

*What about pets?

Neither of us are big animal people...

*Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?

Right now it's definitely the distance. Even though we've done this for three years, it doesn't really get any easier! At least not until recently. We're in the homestretch now!

*Did you go to school together?

Middle and High School

*Are you from the same hometown?

Kind of, same area

*Who is the smartest?

We're both pretty smart, but I'd have to say him. He's more booksmart than I could ever hope to be! My kids will be born smarter than me, I'm sure.

*Who's the most sensitive?

I'd have to say me, my feelings get hurt easily and I take things personally.

*Where do you eat out most as a couple?

When we're together I'd have to say Freebirds (employee discount!!)

*Who has the craziest ex?

Huh. I think we both know we tie in this area.

*Who has the worse temper?

I don't really think either of us has a temper, but if we're talking about which one gets the most frustrated first, it'd be me.

*Who does the cooking?

Ben will, since it's a passion of his. He LOVES to grill.

*Who is more social?

We both have the same personality this way--we both can carry on a conversation at a party with people we don't know, but we'd rather not. We're content with each other and other anti-social people =)

*Who is the neat freak?

LOL Ben, absolutely, but only with a few particulars.

*Who is more stubborn?

No question, Me.

*Where was your first date?

Chipotle, in Redlands.

*Who has the bigger family?

Me, by 4.

*Do you get flowers often?

Yes! Ben is really great about this.

*How do you spend the holidays?

Right now we do all three families in one day. Not sure how this year will work.

*Who is more jealous?

? I don't really think this has been a problem.

*How long did it take to get serious?

Maybe a year? I think after a year we both knew we were in it for good.

*Who eats more?

Ben

*Who's better with the computer?

We work well together: I'm better with Macs and he's better with PCs.

*Who drives when you are together?

Ben, most of the time. Driving can make me nervous.

Back again

Flying back to California last night was one of the roughest times I've had. In terms of how things usually go when I fly back, I was much more emotional, not really being able to keep myself from crying once I was checked in.

When I arrived at DFW last Thursday, Ben greeted me with a big smile and a "Welcome home!" I really am starting to feel like Dallas is my home. Coming back was more of a drudgery than a pleasure, even though it's my birthday on Sunday. I love my family and friends here, but I miss Ben so badly. Only about 3 more months until I can be out with him for good. I can't wait, even if I have to waitress for the first few months and it means we eat Freebirds and pizza every other day =)

The apartment saga continues!

 The bathroom:

We couldn't believe how big the tub was! The best part is that it's a shower too. I love tubs that are designed like this because I have more room--I don't feel like I'm showering with the shower curtain.

Also, don't let this medicine cabinet fool you, it was SO DEEP! This was a common theme carried out thorugh the entire apartment--cabinet space, with deep deep room. It's great. 

The kitchen...

was very quaint and perfect size. After the kitchens in Crestview, anything seems huge.

We really liked the fact that this apt comes with a fridge, stove and microwave. The only thing we have to come up with on our own are a washer and dryer. We're thinking we could easily do that. So exciting!!!

Dreams becoming reality

I can't express how exciting it feels to be counting down the days until I'm in Dallas. Here's a picture of Ben and I at my favorite chicken finger place--Raising Cane's! This was right after he picked me up at the airport. I'd been asleep for 3 hours (my flight was at 6:15am Cali time) and it was already time for lunch! After this we went back to Ben's apartment where he caught up on some homework while I slept for a bit. Then we went to Half-Price Books in Dallas near SMU so I could sell some books and buy some more (our favorite thing to do).

Today, we went apartment shopping. Since I'll be moving here right aft

er graduation, we have to start looking now. This is the last trip out to Dallas that I'l

l take before I move out.  All that to say this was our only chance to check out apartments together! We are trying to stay pretty local so we can commute easily no matter where we work. We decided to look in Plano, a suburb of Dallas. First we went to Hunter's Glen.

They were okay. We decided that since these were the first ones we were looking at, these could be our fallback. On the advice of our friend Jake, we checked out the cars in this complex. They were on par with cars one would find at a college. All in all, this one was a maybe.

Next we went to Madison at Chase Oaks.

The gate required a remote so we had to go inside and meet with a leasing person. We gave her all of our preferences and she showed us a 1 bed/1 bath unit.

This was the outside of the apartments. The complex was full of nice cars =)

This is one view of the 1 bed/1 bath. It was small, but we expected that. Something like this in CA would easily go for $900 a month. The price as it stands right now is $630/month. In this picture, Ben is standing in the dining room. The wall to his left are mirrors to make it look bigger. You might be able to tell if you click on the pic so it enlarges, but the crown molding was what impressed me in this unit.

This is the bedroom. I loved the big window here, and especially loved the walk-in closet. It was pretty good size as well. The picture below is the same room, only the view from the closet. The door on the left leads to the living room and kitchen and the one on the right leads to the bathroom.

We LOVED this apartment. I had actually wanted one with a fireplace. The units on the third level have these, and we did go to see it. The fireplace was weirdly placed and the washer and dryer were in the entryway. I'd post the rest of the pictures of this apartment right now, but it's 11:47 Texas time and I'm exhausted! More tomorrow!

Keeping You Updated!

We thought this might be an easier way to keep everyone updated on wedding planning. We are currently at 223 days until the big day and we couldn't be more excited.

At this point we have put a deposit down on Edward's Mansion. Our ceremony will take place in the West Gazebo, and the reception will be in the East Pavilion. It's going to be absolutely gorgeous, tented and beautiful. We have our invitations designed, we just need to print them. 

For now, I'll leave you with my "inspiration board" that my bridesmaid Ashley helped me make. It's made up of pictures picked by me to show which colors and feel I'd like to incorporate for the decor.